covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
