How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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