Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
