Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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