we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
