is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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