Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
