I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
