I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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