Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
