arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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