Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
