im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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