I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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