Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
time to smoke my breakfast
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Watching her eat just hurts me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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