Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
