dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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