K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
