How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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