im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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