You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
