I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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