I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
