We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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