Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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