i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
