Banned from zoo.
Again?
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
