He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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