he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
