Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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