apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
