I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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