Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
