Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
