This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
