The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
they're like a gay fantastic four
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My breasts were aching with rage.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
