dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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