chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
