my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
