As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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