Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
