I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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