That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
