Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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