dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
