It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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