I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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