just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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