Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
