her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
